Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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