I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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