Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
