okay pat passed out under dana's car
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
