Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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