When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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