An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
