Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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