she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
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