he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize