I wish I could teleport
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
