At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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