Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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