fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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