there was a trapeze. enough said
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
