I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Couch. On fire.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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