DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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