I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize