i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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