If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
