Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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