I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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