dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
