I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
