ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
zippers are such a cool invention
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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