I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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