The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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