I wanna bring you to show and tell
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
