You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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