dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
