She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
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