Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
