I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
