I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
