you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You left your phone here
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