she sounds like chewbacca in bed
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
