i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
