i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Will you blow on my dice?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
