I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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