yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
