ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
