we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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