I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
