i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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