I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
