She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
