Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
