Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Randomize
