Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
