the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Randomize