well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
