During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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