his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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