Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
