I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
being pregnant is like rehab
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
