U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
