Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
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