well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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