I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Fuck appropriateness.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
