Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
