so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
The power of my boobs compel you
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
