Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
