when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
