he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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