Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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