I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
