you guys were way drunker than both of me
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
