I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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