he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
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