i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
